I did swore, I raised my voice a little over the phone. But at least I didn't cry, though I would like to shed tears. I hope tears could flows easily like those days, at least they said crying could make one feels better.
I'm so tired. I can't take it anymore.
I thought we were supposed to work together, encourage each other, push each other to the best that we can achieve. I thought we had had a mutual agreement on this matter.
I tried my best to fulfill my part of the agreement. I don't mind doing more. I don't mind reminding you to do your part, which is something I did not like. There is a saying which goes "it's hard for you to change the others; it's easier for you to change yourself". I understand this, therefore I learned to compromise. I learned to see things differently. Doing things that I would not like to do if I'm still the old me. I knew you have sacrificed as well, possibly more. Therefore by compromising, I hope to ease your burden. Perhaps, you don't agree.
But I just couldn't take it when I learned that you took the initiative to remind ** of something important, but not reminding me. I was disappointed. I thought we are a team. The news came as a shock to me, and I felt as if I'm slapped tight on the face! I finally realize that I'm a lone soulja rowing the boat that is carrying us both. Rowing alone through a large ocean, which is covered with massive fog. We don't know what ** is doing because ** never share and we had to tell ** everything every time ** ask. It was just so unfair. I thought we had a common agreement to help each other since this situation is inevitable. Looks like I'm wrong. You have been sending signal to ** secretly. Maybe it's just miscommunication between us, but the slap definitely woke me up.
I finally also realize that not only I'm rowing the boat alone, you have been discouraging me to row as well all this while! You are pulling me back. You rather we sink ourselves into this deep and cold ocean. Why would you do that? Maybe it's just miscommunication again, I quote you.
Nonetheless.. there has always been another problem lurking in our relationship since the start of MBA. Bottom line...
I don't want to be your secretary, your servant, nanny, or mom.
Even more, I don't wanna be your shadow!
I want to be able to be myself again!
But it is of no avail no matter how much I wish for it... *sob*
