Being Just Enough Is Not Enough!

11/27

I've been holding back what I am supposed to say to you 3 weeks ago, and I let it all out tonight. I've been giving you hints, in order to save your face in front of group mates and yet you are too arrogant to realize it. And this caused me embarrassment. It's too much already! How could you abandoned us and went youtube-ing when we were having dead end discussions. You said our discussions were pointless sometimes and too draggy, but come'on, why don't you suggest something, voice it out to stop it, or whateva? Yes sometimes we still don't know something and discussing it is pointless, we should question the lecturer first. But then if we don't start discussing now, how do we know what we don't know? If we don't start now, we won't start doing the assignments forever. Perhaps you won't understand this because you are too used to one-man-show. Because you always think you can do good jobs even at last-minute. This group is unlike the one you had previously, you are not the king here, you are not the only leader. Nobody is your secretary. Everyone is leader, and everyone is member. Say that I'm kia-su or whateva, I don't want everything to be last minute, I wanna know clearly my timetable, because I don't wanna waste time! Perhaps it's the wrong idea for me to be in the same group with you. Perhaps it's already a wrong idea for me to be in the same U with you!!

You are very lucky indeed to born with a silver spoon. You get almost everything you want. You don't have to worry about money. You don't have to worry about having to buy your own car, because your family provide you with one, free on fuel somore! In addition, you are talented. You have a good voice, and over-the-cloud confidence, and you can easily earn more in a month than your peers. But being talented is just not enough. You said it's just enough, just nice, but to me, it is not! How can you be so contented? It's so dangerous to say that! Your talent will only bring you to a certain level, and if you don't do something more, and keep thinking you are the best already, thinking about "enough already", then you will forever be stagnant in that level you set for yourself. I cannot stand your "tidak-apa" attitude anymore! If I'm thinking of the future right now, I'll put a big cross on you.

Yes other girls might be thinking you are the best man, best boyfriend that one could ever had. Some of them even think they deserve you more than I do. Perhaps they do. They might be also thinking that, "you are not as good as him so why, or who are you to judge him that way?" Yes, I know I'm not the best, I'm not good either. I don't have any talent, I'm not pretty, I don't achieve anything great in my life, I sucks! That's why I'm working on it... I just don't know how, or where. That's why I wanna at least do the best on what I can.

I think sometimes... things just have no more other solutions but to put a full stop on it already. I just hope I can get help in getting what I want the most right now.

P/S: Don't promise me things that you cannot deliver anymore. The worst thing one can do is to give hope, and then destroy it. You can hear the sound of tearing a paper, but not when tearing my heart.